Today is my maternal grandfather’s birthday. He died in 1990, 13 days before my birthday. He was 85.
My lolo (grandfather) had built a duplex for his two children’s families. His daughter’s family (ours) had the right side while my uncle’s family was on the left. In the middle of the duplex was a bedroom suite for my grandparents. I remember many nights sleeping in my grandparent’s suite. My grandmother couldn’t sleep on her side of the bed because her bones didn’t make it easy for her to get up. I took her place sleeping next to my lolo. He would always tell me stories of me rolling off the bed in my sleep. Of course, I couldn’t remember a thing. 
I slept in their suite until I was in my early teens. By then I had shifted to the sofa near their bedroom window, instead of sleeping next to my lolo. During my college days, off and on, I would sleep on the spare bed in my grandparent’s bedroom. My ailing lola couldn’t take care of my lolo alone, sometimes I would help if he woke up in the middle of the night.
I still have my lolo’s medals for tennis. He said he wanted me to become a champion tennis player. Well, nothing came out of that I don’t even remember signing up for lessons. Though I always kept a racket to appease him. He also said he wanted me to become a doctor. I knew I could handle the academics but the prospect of studying till my late 20’s didn’t appeal to me. Well, I’m a REIKI practitioner contemplating on taking the master level now, so I’m a healer just the same.
I always had a great time with my lolo. I liked hanging around him. He taught me basic things about savings bonds and the stock market. I remember we would always watch Jacques Cousteau in his bedroom. I never saw him angry at me until a visiting boyfriend over-extended the visiting limit. How was I suppose to know, that during his time, suitors only stayed for 2 hours and never beyond 5 o’clock pm. Our maids told me that he kept pacing all over the kitchen floor complaining about these visits. He lost it one time when he caught me holding hands with my boyfriend at that time. He yelled at him and said something about abusing his welcome. Seeing my lolo angry shook me for the first time. I knew he wasn’t angry at me but it scared me just the same. He did apologize not too long afterwards. He was humble enough to admit that he cared and was just protecting me. I knew that. Hearing it from him felt good.
Before he died, he had sent feelers in so many ways. A week before he died, he asked me to pray the rosary with him and my grandmother. My lola was crying as we were going through the beads. It didn’t take a genius to know that something was up. He was very weak as well and he wasn’t challenging it as he always does. He was allowing it to happen.
One morning before heading off to school, I had the compulsion to visit my lolo in his bedroom. I found him still sleeping at 8:30 am. He was always an early riser yet this vision gave a chill down my spine. Back then, I didn’t know what that meant. I shrugged it off and went to school.
Later in the afternoon, I found him still sleeping. My lola told me, with a pain in her voice, that he had not woken up since last night. I held my lolo’s hand and I felt his grip. “I’m right here, Lolo. It’s ok.” Everyone was milling about my grandfather. My brother called, Dr. O, who passed by and after a few tests, he had declared that Lolo was in a coma. At my lolo’s age, he recommended that, that we should just wait. And that’s what everybody did. Waited. As for me, I went to the bedroom and slept it off.
It wasn’t an odd feeling, not being worried about my lolo. I was ready for it and so was he. I remember that he always wanted to die in his sleep. I can’t remember why I went to sleep either. I wasn’t tired nor sleepy but I just did.
I woke up around 11:30pm and people were still milling about. All the lights were still on. I hung around to see what had happened since I went to bed. Nothing much. Though I did feel my grandmother’s fear was getting bigger. It was sometime around midnight when I offered to take over watching him since I was able to get some sleep. Everyone went to their bedrooms and my mother stayed out in the patio speaking with someone.
I wanted to get sentimental with my lolo but I didn’t want everybody to see it. I held his hand and I once again felt that comfortable grip. His breathing was steady but heavy. I’m so used to hearing him snore that it didn’t bother me. In my mind I said, “I love you, Lolo.” And then his mouth opened wide as if he was gasping for one big breath of air. “This is it” I had thought.
I woke up my grandmother, who jumped and went frantic, still in denial of what was happening. I ran upstairs to wake up my sisters and my cousin, to my mother out in the patio. I was fast and so was everybody. They crowded by the bedroom door and I plowed through them to get my lolo’s side and hold his hand. “I’m here,” as if he could hear the words in my mind. Everybody was waiting for the inevitable. It didn’t take long. One more long gasp for air and then he was gone.
My lola was horribly sad. Trying to keep a strong face as she sobbed but she couldn’t try hard enough. She was calling out to my lolo to stay. The ladies in the house wept…. except for me, I don’t remember crying that night. I remember telling myself that he got what he wanted. He wanted to die in his sleep…. and he waited for me.
We didn’t waste any time. My mom had already called the mortuary and before the sun rose, my lolo was no longer in his bedroom. We only had to wait till he was ready.
I don’t remember sleeping in my bed for the rest of the night. Maybe I started on my bed but I remember waking up in the spare bed in my grandparent’s bedroom. I remember seeing an empty hospital bed right next to me. Still no tears. My cousin had asked if I was afraid and I asked “Why should I be afraid of Lolo?”
They took my lolo to Don Bosco chapel in Makati. There were a lot of people and I barely knew them. I really didn’t feel like mingling much. Even the kitchen area was crowded. I was hoping to get something to drink or eat. If I wasn’t entertaining anyone, at least my mouth would be busy. One lady had tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and I remember having seen her once before but I couldn’t remember her name. She tells her male companion that I was “the one”. She shared with me and her companion that my lolo and were tight because I looked so much like my mother. She said that even when I cried as a baby, he would always say “That’s my girl.”….. I felt a choke on my throat and I quickly asked to be excused. I struggled my way through a sea of well-wishers exchanging pleasantries and catching up on old times. I found myself outside the chapel walking as far away as I could….I found a quiet shaded walkway. It wasn’t that far but I was alone and away from the noise. I sat on what seemed like a seat cast in cold cement…
and then I cried….
Happy Birthday, Lolo. I love you….
In history, you will see that those who dared to uniquely express themselves have made significant contributions in history. We have Galileo, Leonard Da Vinci, Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Nikolai Tesla, Walt Disney and the list continues. They were once isolated for their lofty ideas and incomprehensible ideas but our lives have changed because of their vision and their steadfast faith to hold it above everyone’s sight.