I had this problem involving child support from my children’s father. Now this was an extreme and near desperate situation. At least in my former life, it would have been yet I didn’t feel desperate. As much as a small part of me wanted to unleash this angry animal and gauge someone’s eye out, I could not.
It felt odd. I was so used to emotional volatility that this calmness felt almost alien. I was pleasantly surprised and baffled at the same time. I was very aware of my feelings and I couldn’t justify my fears. Although I had no clear solution to offer, the freak I had known myself to be was no longer existent. Oh my!…. I’m actually improving… LOL
I wasn’t a 100% turned around. I will be honest with you. I still felt a squeeze in my chest and I needed to talk to someone to release. Someone who wouldn’t bother me with the details and someone who would not judge me.
My most accessible counselor was Nanay Linda. I haven’t called her in quite awhile though. There were times I tried but she wouldn’t pick up. I would treat those times as signs that I didn’t need her help and that my problem would be able to take care of itself. Besides, she counsels several other people as well and I didn’t want to bother her if those people needed her more than I did.
But she did pick up the phone for this time. When I heard her voice, I felt the release from my chest as I exhaled in relief. Suddenly, it felt good to breathe.
With Nanay Linda, I never needed to tell her my problems. I have the good fortune of having friends who have a way of knowing. I can put myself in a position to ask every detail so I could understand this problem but I know I would be denying myself of a lesson in this episode. In those short 5 minutes, she made me laugh and cry. She had a divine message about my mother that left me discombobulated and supported at the same time. My heart was regaining itself but I still had a problem.
My solution wasn’t clear to me yet. So I went about my evening being careful about my energies. Exercising caution not to create any more negatives with the people around the house. My ASD son was annoyingly badgering me over and over to buy a hideously unhealthy Happy Meal so he can give the accompanying toy to his brother. As much as I was resisting to purchase poison and landfill contribution, I kept my cool and he allowed me a hug to appease both our souls.
I didn’t want to go to sleep as an emotional wreck. I meditated to silence my mind and worked on my Oneness exercises. I didn’t want to lose sleep over this. Neither did I want this to happen again. I knew that I could only fix this by working on myself.
As I laid down in bed, I asked Supreme God and the Divine Hierarchy to give me a sign in my dreams; a sign that I could easily understand. I spoke my mantra of Divine Alchemy and drifted off to sleep. I think it happened almost instantly because I couldn’t remember anything else. And so while a majority would lose sleep over a solution, I chose to find one in my dreams.
I woke up with a jolt sometime around 3:30am. And I heard these words echo in the darkness. “Just Be.”… Was I dreaming?… There were no dreams as there were no visions nor images I could remember. With those two words, I knew in my heart what I wanted to be and I felt the sureness of the Universe. More words flowed and it said, “Receive. It will be okay.”. . I knew what my solution was and I knew what (or who) stood in my way.
With all the prosperity exercises I have been doing in the past few weeks, I had neglected to prepare myself to receive prosperity.
Seeding is so easy to do. It is almost automatic. Yet with receiving, there is a part of us that perceives it as a weakness. “I don’t deserve it.” “It’s okay.” “Nakakahiya naman.” (“This is embarrassing”). “I didn’t want it that much.” “I don’t need help.”
Pride and Ego stands in the way of appreciating the smallest acts of kindness’ blocking my soul to receive gifts and miracles. I had missed it from my notes. I had a copy of Catherine Ponder’s Open Your Mind to Receive but neglected to do so. I focused on Getting and not Receiving. To accept with Grace and Gratitude was something I needed to practice and I know hundreds, if not millions, more needed to practice this too regardless whether they were gifts or compliments. Asians are notorious for playing themselves down when given a compliment. Only very few of them know that saying ‘Thank you’ is not about arrogance but simply appreciating kind words as gifts.
And so I focused on receiving that very day. Most importantly, in being.
In the hours that came, Prosperity flowed. My solution was set into motion. The rains cooperated with my agenda for the day. Keeping me dry when I walked the street. They resumed pouring whenever I was indoors even for just a few minutes. Before lunch, cheques had entered into my account like a harvest. It felt amazing to relinquish control and yet as paradoxical the Universe is, I WAS IN CONTROL. I knew that things were going to be ok. I figured out how to keep the circuit of Prosperity functioning. The value of Yin wouldn’t be felt if the Yang was not given equal attention.
I texted a friend from my psychic circle and told him the general details of my downloads. Without asking for specifics, responded:
“Notice the signs.”
A part of me was wondering if he meant that as a good thing or a bad thing. As much as it was tempting to ask, I did not wanting to lose my grip because I knew that the need to know would consume me. I exhaled, expressed my thanks and focused on just being and decided to look for these signs without worry or judgement.
Not too far off, a second message comes….
”MAGANDA YAN!!!” (That’s beautiful!) “Pay attention to your manifestations”….
I belted out a laugh in the middle of a dense mall. And thus I focus 😀 … Just Be….and Receive…