Small Pockets of Appreciation

I never really know what to do during Holy Week. Stay in the city where you can’t do anything much or stay at the family farm where there is no cable tv nor internet access in spite of the inviting fresh air and trees. Instead of bearing it out in the heat in the city, I opted to go to the farm with my kids, nieces and nephews. I’m more into chanting than praying so the only Catholic ritual I would be doing was Visitas Iglesias.  I had my Tibetan mala beads with me for good measure.

The ride Thursday morning was relatively short. After dropping our luggage at the farm, we took off to Campo Trexo in Tagaytay so the kids could do some wall climbing, tight-rope walking, zip-lining, rappeling, etc. I managed to climb once on the wall. It took me less than 5 minutes. Nice to know that I could still do it. Nice to know also that losing 5 pounds would be of great help. We spent a quick lunch at McDonald’s before heading back to the farm where boredom was waiting for me.

I had expected that the rest of my hours during the Holy Weekend would be lounging around or sleeping in different parts of the farm. Sleep in the kubo, sleep in the pavilion, sleep under the tree, sleep in the hammock, sleep in the car. I had the option to rest in a variety of locations.  :-)

I brought several dvds but forgot the dvd player. I had time to read but forgot my books. The kids were playing in the pool, if not, burning the zip line that their Tito Roy made for them. Nobody was going to do any farm chores, that was for certain. Yet as the afternoon wore on, I told myself to be at peace of where I was. How that was going to come I left it to the Higher Power.

While lying down inside the kubo, I heard the children’s happy voices. I got up and looked out and I found appreciation in seeing my boys play with their cousins and interact with their Tito Roy in and about the farm. Autism gave them a sentence of social deficits, a notion that I refuse to give any power to. They were collecting firewood for the evening’s campfire. They were raking fallen leaves. They were climbing trees and making lots of happy noises. My eldest niece, Josette, had her gripes for the lack of technology but she amused herself with her lolo’s digital camera. I found appreciation in her ramblings as well.

After Visitas Iglesias that evening, I saw Luna again. And it was always refreshing to see her. She really knows how to take my worries away with little effort. I had thought that this night would be differrent and difficult but it wasn’t at all. She was there again for me, as always. I took a mat and laid in on the grass near the campfire and I stared at her. I felt peaceful which I have not been in days. I was thanking her over and over and over. I felt my Dad standing not too far from me, doing the same thing. Little by little, the boys and my nieces were sharing the mat with me, staring at this beautful star. My appreciation  doubled.

The fire was burning and the kids were singing all kinds of songs, blending perfectly well together. My only nephew, Vincent, was hamming it up as native doing a fire dance. The chants of “Physical Fit” and laughter permeated through the night air. I appreciated his efforts to make something out of this trip. He was very effective as I found myself in stitches. My nieces wrote their secrets on paper and burned them into the campfire…..And I thought I was the only pagan practitioner in the family. … The hotdogs and the marshmallows came and I relished the experience with the kids…. I silently said thank you for these kids.

The campfire ended around 11pm and the kids slept like logs. I thought, What about tomorrow? Am I going to be bored and restless again? Good Friday and Black Saturday are even slower. I fell asleep anyway.

The kids were up so early. Their happy noices filled the farm. The nippy early breeze was refreshing. I said my thank you’s again for an opportunity to be away from the heat. The wind and sight of verdant trees was filling me up with peace. The swaying bamboo reminded of a scene from Crouching Tiger…

Back in the city, it is such an effort to be at peace. You go the spa for a massage, you to the gym, you go to your psychotherapist, you grab Prozac, you go to the club, you drink your sorrows, but in a matter of minutes, you easily lose the peace that you just paid for. Out here, you just sit and your worries are lifted from you with no action, if not very little, required from you. It’s like your ego never existed.

I promised myself that I would only look for more joyful things that day. I came up with a lot:

1. Watching Derek do the can-can in the pool with his girl cousins left me in stitches
2. Seeing Henry eat fried fish head which he never does. Galunggong at that.  :-D
3. Seeing my sister-in-law, Che-che, flip over the hammock with her feet up in the air. Priceless moment there
4. Listening to my brother working on his portable mixer and realizing that he hasn’t lost his touch as a DJ
5. My brother-in-law, Willy, allowing me 10 minutes of watching Abraham in their Everest’s DVD player. Ten minutes was more than enough.
6. Seeing Henry helping his Tito Roy with farm chores
7. Seeing the kids burn the zip lines in various ways: from frog jumping to superman flying.
8. My cousin, Roy, showing me a great meditation spot in the farm.
9. Sharing oddball tidbits with my cousin, Roy
10. My cousin giving me a prescription for my periorbital hematoma.
11. Me tripping over lots of things as my shades were semi-permanent over my eyes.  :-D
12. Seeing my sister and her hubby, hugging each other
13. Seeing my Dad interact with his autistic grandsons
14. Drinking sago’t gulaman, which I have not, in ages. :-D
15. Laying on a mat, watching the trees sway in the wind, with the sun peeking through the leaves, as the kids laid next to me quietly
16. Sharing a picnic of junk food with the kids on my mat.
17. Taking pictures of orbs with Josette during campfire 2.
18. Playing a evening game of hide and seek with the kids. Nice to know I can still run
19. Burning more secrets with the nieces during campfire 2.  :-D
20. Seeing Henry FINALLY trying out the zipline. YES!
21. Derek giving me endless hugs and kisses and telling me, “I’m so happy.”
22. Discovering that Henry had a potential for baseball while we were doing pitch and catch

Cityslickers would find this all mababaw (shallow) but they did give me relief that long weekend. Something I have not had in a while, as my mind is constantly beset with thoughts of contrast and drama. It tells me that I need not look far for things that I need and want. Everything is just within reach. And for one more time, I found appreciation.